part two of two.

i found someone im getting to know
& i can honestly say that im happy im taking it slow.

part one of two.

i hate the feeling when you know you’re going to cry.
Your lips quiver, your heart pounds, your eyes sting. Your face clenches up, and then the
tears start to fall.You can’t stop them, no matter how hard you try. And it’s not little
tears that slide down your cheeks, it’s big tears that make your eyes red and puffy, your
face tear-stained and your body heave.
You can’t stop the tears, and as you lie on your bed alone, you think of what could you
have possibly done to stop the pain. Stop the suffering. Stop this, stop what you’re going
through. But there’s nothing you can do, nothing anyone can say. It’s the kind of tears and pain
that need to be cried out, not talked out. You can’t help it, and sometimes, you just
don’t care.


I've gotten a lot better with things that involve my dad
the counseling and distance has actually made me feel better.
Except the other night,
I was listening to ADTR "have faith in me" and when the part
comes up
"Have faith in me
Cause there are things that I've seen I don't believe
So cling to what you know and never let go
You should know things aren't always what they seem

I said I'd never let you go, and I never did
I said I'd never let you fall and I always meant it"

I completely lost it,i know that nothing is my fault and that i couldn't
and still cant control his actions or words,but i have my days where i
miss him so much.
It will be 3 years tomorrow that my dad stopped talking
to me.

On the upside, if it wasn't for Chris Walter and Dara Tanzman
calming down i probably would have been a
mess for a couple days.

The firsts day he stopped talking to me i was fine
the first month was okay to,but when the first year hit i started
to go severely down hill. I didn't do anything or want to do anything for
a really long time,until recently. I was in a really deep depression but was
able to put a happy face on,or should i say,a very strict no emotion face on for
everyone else around me. I've never been one to want to talk about my feelings
im more of a keep it to myself and worry about it later. I was more worried about
my brothers and sister,and didn't want them to see me upset or mad over anything.

But this anniversary has me thinking one thing:
For the first time in my life, i don't even want to say anything to you at all

different STATE of mind

I've been thinking alot about where i want to end up when it comes to starting my life

Kevin and I have talked about South Carolina & Florida. I really love Florida, and the people

that are there,thats where im comfortable and want to be.But on the other hand i want something new and South Carolina sounds fun and different,and a way to whipe our slate clean and start fresh, but really i wanna end up back in Florida. Thats where i wanna raise a family,and start our life. There are so many different things down there,and so many opportunites,i know thats where i wanna open my 2 business's i have in mind & where its comfortable.

you.

I dont care how you see me anymore,but if you think its just "Sarahs World" then you are on some major crack,you obviously dont know my life behind closed doors.

fuck that
fuck you
& fuck your thoughts.

My life does not consist of only me,i have someone aka kevin by my side
i have wonderful brothers and a sister who make up most of my life and
then i have my family.

So dont think for one second,just because i ask you one little thing that i cant
do it myself,or that im just trying to have my own little world,you never do anything
for me anyways,why would i expect the tiniest shit from you?
Really,take a look at anything i've asked you in the past,it never gets done i always
do it anyways,not that im mad about that either.

But seriously come on,grow the fuck up already.

so FREAKING sick

Im so tired of this stupid ass county and town
i literally hate Sullivan County,there is nothing here
except the "WELCOME TO THE ASSHOLE OF AMERICA!"
sign when you enter it.

I really just cant wait to get out of here.
really there is nothing
you look to your left and theres nothing
you look to your right and guess what theres nothing!
and theres no point in looking ahead.BECAUSE THERES NOTHING.

EFF THIS PLACE!

kids are the cutest

Especially the ones related to me :)

my brother came to me today and said [mind you he's 8]

and he's in 3rd grade.

so he comes over and says

"Sarah,theres this girl,and her name is Samantha,and she has

red hair like me (he tugs on his hair) and she's single,and im single"

and i said,okay..do you like her and he says

"yes,so im gonna ask her to be my girlfriend tomorrow,that my plan B"

and i said ohhh okay,why dont you pick her a flower

and give it to her and he turns around and says
"Im not that sweet,i already gave her my starburst today"

lol,i couldnt help but laugh it was really cute & really funny.

complaining

It's at least 90 degrees here in New York today
and im watching my sister..

all she wants to do is hang all over me
and she dosent understand that its hott.

blahh,i hope that its not like this tomorrow
im to white,and to fat for this heat lol.